Saturday, February 26, 2005

Good Parenting?

I am of the firm opinion that modern parents between the ages of 30-50 years old have totaly lost all perspective as it regards good parenting. I appreciate that they have a hard row to hoe b/c they have to grow confident not rude, polite but not broken children. It is a balancing act trying to keep some of what your mother's and grandmother's generations utilized and introducing some of the modern practices.

Who Determines the Child's Diet
For example I am of the view that to grow some belief in making choices that a child can decide within reason what they will have for dinner. But the child dictating their entire diet and nutritional intake is something else altogether. I have seen parents who give their child only what they like to eat for meals; not a vegetable in sight. Sometimes no protien source except maybe for cheese and milk.

Respect For Authority and Adults?
How do parents attempt to grow respect for elders and not the attitude that the adult is always right? I see often kids ignoring requests or directives from their own parents muchless other adults.

Typical Scenario: Seven year old girl watching tv, Mummy calls out to kid "Can you please bring me the broom?"...Kid does not answer, does not even indicated she hears..not a movement in any muscle in response to her mother's request.

Mother calls out louder this time...asking if the kid had not heard her...kid responds "I am coming" and is just getting up but pausing to watch a few more seconds before she does anything about meeting her mother's request. Most times the mother comes, gets whatever it was she wanted, asking the child for the third or fourth time: "Didn't you hear me?"

Mind you this is not a one-of situation it happens all the time. Now if the child pays no attention to her mother's requests and directive can you imagine how she is at school, sunday school or girl scouts?

Responsibility through Chore
Another area I see most modern parenting having much trouble, is with getting their kids to do any chores regularly and properly. Kids refuse to clean their rooms and they don't have to do regular chores like we did growing up. When I was a kid I woke every morning knowing what I was supposed to do around the house and as I grew older the chores became more difficult etc.

Today most kids do nothing at home. Not even picking up their place mats from the table after a meal. They have maids to do that or an overworked mother who tries to keep-up with getting it all done herself but failing miserably.

From my observations of modern parents, I feel they have high ideals about the kind of parents they should be but there appears a hugh gulf between those ideals and practice. There has to be more effort put into marrying the old and good with the modern and improved parenting techniques. Most importantly though parents must be willing to use consistently the married parenting techniques.

Many parents in the West Indies I feel are exhibiting characteristics of the guilty parent b/c they spend so much time away from their children while working. Others have thrown out the old ways entirely because the hated the discipline they received as children. Unfortunately they have replaced it with nothing or with something they don't really have a handle on.

6 comments:

Jdid said...

I blogged about this before. I think parents today have this thing where they dont realize that they are supposed to be authority figures. They are all about the friendship thing. I want my children to be my fiend and to like me so I will not be mad with them or discipline them or control them or scold them when they are wrong. NO because then they might get mad at me. I"m strictly from the old teaching. Parents are there to guide and control and disciplime and teach. IF the child acting up deal with it, if they disobeying deal with it. I aint saying ya got to beat them silly but make sure that they are clear who is in charge

Campfyah said...

Well I gonna disagree wid yuh first statement. I am a parent of a teenager and I'm between the 30 and 50 age group. I don't think I fit into many of your scenarios. My child is well-rounded in manners, and attitude. He also grew up on a well-balanced meal and even today as he's much taller than me, he knows quite well who is the parent and who is the child.

However, I can agree with some of your sentiments in regards to the raring of children. I think it comes from the culture in which you and the child are in and your basic values ah a human being.

For example..I recently had the situation where I saw a WI child drinking hot chocolate mixed with condense milk, and then crushed crackers in the mixture...that was the tea, then they had cereal with condense milk and water..all of that was eaten for breakfast one morning. I spoke to the parents of this habit. the reply was...Oh they all do that..I said, well somebodie gotta stop it and it starts with the parents.

PS..Jdid ein a thing wrong wid soem corpal punishment...spare the rod and spoil the child...not in this household.

ThandieLand said...

Campyfyah,
Thanx for taking time to respond and welcome to my blog.

My modern parent net is cast real wide I know but it does not include all present day parents.

My points were made about the majority that I witness and my greatest lament is how we have thrown away how our mothers parented. That there is good in the modern practice but that we should marry both. Find some way to come up with a good mixture that serves us well here in the Caribbean.

Some modern parents do a wonderful job. I guess my peice did not mention them at all. For that I am sorry.

ThandieLand said...

Campyfyah,
Thanx for taking time to respond and welcome to my blog.

My modern parent net is cast real wide I know but it does not include all present day parents.

My points were made about the majority that I witness and my greatest lament is how we have thrown away how our mothers parented. That there is good in the modern practice but that we should marry both. Find some way to come up with a good mixture that serves us well here in the Caribbean.

Some modern parents do a wonderful job. I guess my peice did not mention them at all. For that I am sorry.

Radmila said...

Bravo!!!
Thank God I'm not one of the few people who notice this.
I've got many "new age parent" complaints.
Your mention of chores extends not only to helping but in teaching children common sense where sequencing tasks are concerned.
It's something that is sorely needed in just day to day decisions and tasking to save time is concerned.
If you don't practice this at home, how do you learn to manage your time, as well as learn just the basic skills to think ahead.
Not to mention responsibility.

Black Ambition said...

great post